Bagless in Morrisons
'We need some plastic bags' said the wife as she waved me off to Sir Morrisons-strange I thought given her usual aversion to planet destroying materiel
but orders is orders. Ask not the reason why etc.
I managed to reach the checkout with only one basket despite some last minute purchases cell phoned from Hutton as I was frantically combing the shelves for organic tinned tomatoes and Antique Organic Cheddar (had to settle for 'very mature')At the checkout I found the plastic bag container empty. 'Could I have a couple of bags please?' I asked the dragon in charge.' Plastic bags?!' she screamed-'Don't you know the damage they do to the environment? Please consider your duty to mankind! Where is your bag for life
? I confessed I had left it behind (the one the wife loves made by disabled organically fed Filipino single mothers in a healthy working environment)
'Getting forgetful are we? Anyhow it is not our policy to give away plastic bags. Can't you carry them as they are?' I plainly couldn't- six grapefruit and several organic apples, inter alia
, being beyond my juggling abilities.
The check out lady sighed deeply and pressed a button. A magnified pre-recorded message bellowed around the store; ' ATTENTION CUSTOMERS! A PERSON HAS ASKED FOR TWO PLASTIC BAGS AT CHECKOUT NUMBER EIGHT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO LET THE PERSON KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ESPECIALLY DURING A G8 SUMMIT FOCUSED ON ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES. ITS GREEN TO SHOP AT MORRISON'S'
After a moment of stunned silence a mob headed our way headed by large hairy women, tattooed, and brandishing, menacingly, buy-one-get-one-free gigantic caravan-family size Coke bottles.
I really must stop having dreams like that.