Mr Fish has produced a stunner (or more likely he is on holiday again)Having arisen from my jet lagged induced slumber can now see the damage in the garden from last week's summer wind.'Temperate Storm Fish' accompanied by 50mm of rain (2 inches in real money) One tree down, Hollyhocks horizontal and climbing roses at base camp 1. Plus prolific growth with back our 'patio' under a tropical rainforest canopy of rampant grass, too impenetrable even for the local killer moggies. But Stan the Man has ridden to the rescue-roses climbing, Hollyhocks mutually supportive, tree chopped and logged, grass savagely strimmed, two lost moggies rescued from the undergrowth, strawberries netted-all this in one evenings work. He was still here at midnight feeling his way around the garden.

One unfixable casualty of our absence is my favourite cricket ball, left unattended by the Lodger's children and chewed to pieces by the hounds from next door. The bails from the stumps are missing and may have suffered a similar fate.At least the dogs will have got much needed roughage. Sad, as for the moment I cannot offer nets practice to either Yasir Arafat or his possible replacement, Abu Moussa. And reinforcements for the Saltires are still undergoing training in Afghanistan in one of Bin Laden's Academies. From grenade throwing to fielding in the covers is not a difficult transition but I urge them to avoid some of the optional modules including 'Suicide Batting', an art already well developed in this country if not carried to the same (logical) extent as in the Middle East. The MCC is hastily drafting changes to the rules of cricket wherby suicide batters will have to nominate in advance which of the two innings they will take part in. Also no substitutes will be allowed for suicide fielders and they will be encouraged not to do their thing until the last two batsmen are at the crease.

The Israelis have called off their tour of Scotland. No reason given  ¶ 8:04 AM