Half listening to the Today programme as one does with the electric razor at maximum and the Radio at maximum plus and the bath water running and the wife chatting I heard an item about a survey they are doing of idyllic quiet rural places where the noisy hand of man lies lightly if you see what I mean by a somewhat mixed metaphor. Apparently the Today website at
www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/today has a write- in facility for listeners to nominate their favourite idylls which presumably, once publicised, become overcrowded with townees in search of peace and quiet, with no hum of nearby traffic and even cow cells at their lowest setting. I therefore hesitate to nominate Hutton. But it certainly is quiet. Traffic nil except during the Jim Clark Rally which I expect will not darken our doors again after this years fiasco. Cow Bells nil. Church Bells for 5 minutes every two weeks. Sheep in permanent silent mode. Twittering birds yes but then one goes to the country for twittering birds. Car radios nil (see traffic above) Music blaring out of open window nil. I am not sure that I have ever seen an open window around here. Certainly not in our house as we would soon be inundated with stupid House Martins and rampaging starlings knocking things off things.
So ideal? Up to a point Lord Kirkwood. You can be crouching idyllically in a lovely raspberry bush, your lips red with juice, your thoughts peaceful and tranquil, the feeling of a cool beer coming on, the sun warm on your back, Mr Fish in permanent retirement and no threat of rain for six and a half weeks, the knowledge that inside the TV in silent mode shows England at 1256 for two wickets. And suddenly....RAAAR BOOOM and the F16 at low pressure swallow height, has just flown past your chimneys giving you such a fright thaht you jerk your face into the nearest nettles and twitch your raspberry bowl over your left shoulder scattering the contents towards the hovering band of brigand blackbirds. You never hear the b*****S coming and have not time to see them going-certainly not clearly enough to pick the pilot out at an identity parade or read the registration number as the RAF Liaison Officers recommend when you complain about such ASB.
So I won't nominate Hutton after all.
But if you want to go to http://www.cpre.org.uk/campaigns/landscape-and-beauty/tranquil-areas/hunt-for-hush-form-thanks.htm Website for the Council for the Protection of Rural England- : 'The Search for Hush' You only have to be here for ten minutes to be able to complete the questionnaire ansdd with any luck all the F16s wil be elsewhere, perhaps bombing FRance
