EASY JET-OXYMORON #1No it is not. First we had to be at the aeroport Charles de Gaulle/Roissy, as it like to be called two hours a head of time. 243 Geordies and two Borderers. Ten minutes and one check in person to process this lot whilst 4 colleague's checked in 15 passengers for that new town : London/Luton. After threatening,
sotto voce, murmurings from the 243 + 2 a second check in person was seconded to NCL from Lnd/Ltn -both hand picked as knowing no English so as the Geordies could not argue the toss. But could get their large items of hand luggage on, unchallenged meaningfully.
Stage two proceed through the less likely looking security check to air side. Easy Jet prides itself on silent announcements-no ding dongs (for which much thanks) but only one departure board which for some reason had a large area cordoned off around it so short sighted people could not actually get close enough to read the departure gate. But you have to-'If you are late we won't wait' is the EJ Mantra-no frills, no bullshit, no wait.
Stage three the Easy Jet Boarding -Methode Chaotique. No allocated seats. But you get a letter A-D for 'Boarding Priority' so the earlier you check in (if you can) the more choice of seats you have on the plane. And of course families with small children first (small being identified by the average Geordie, red haired aggressive pater familias as about 16, fat, forward and frumpy and very very anxious to be on board first. But of course EJ omits to mention the bus factor. We all get on at least three buses in the correct order which roar us across the tarmac to the waiting Orange conveyance parked a maximum of 200 yards away having done a circuit of the known world to get there. Then doors open and A-D and 'Families with small children' all join in an ugly rush under equal starters orders-the cognoscenti charging the rear steps, the dozey the front, and the genuinely really small children getting trampled in the rush. The 16 + frumpies do ok.
Stage four. Sit on plane whilst the crew pays for the fuel in used Bank of England recently released on the community via Securitas notes. Painstakingly counted into the palms of the Ground crew who admit to no English by the crew who boast of no French. The apologetic and increasingly apolectic captain called this 'The Paperwork' He complained that for some reason this refueling took 45 minutes rather than the usual twenty and he was going 'to make a report' Presumably there was a reason, but in French. So no comprendo, amigo. 'No Frills, No French, No credit cards, No Go' Airline. 'If we are late, you gotta wait. Mate'
And so the long evening wore on but at least we took off with no delay from Air traffic Control-roaring off like a Spitfire chasing Bandits at Angels One Five. Or perhaps Traffic Control were not consulted by Capitano Biggles DFC and three bars (all by now, dry)
Yes it is good to be back. And yes next time by train. There is something very satisfying about going to France from Waterloo, restores the proper order of things.
