Suck My Lollipop

Odd little things remind you that Norn Iron has many of the characteristics of a violent society, if in unexpected settings. Going to golf this am at the Royal County Down (PBUI) I got off to a very early start to avoid queuing up behind the usual suspects-the early Bank Holiday hackers and the monstrous regiment of women ( aka ladies if they are members) golfers who infest certain parts of the course later on in the morning. I was thus at the height of the Newcastle rush hour-8.00 onwards for the Belfast commuters. Suddenly having passed through the last set of lights on the one way system my passage was blocked by a monstrous apparition: a very muscular and large School Crossing Lady (I am playing safe here) wielding an enormous lollipop sign with the uncompromising message 'STOP'. I did by standing on my brakes as she had just jumped out in front of me and also causing the man in the red car on my left, in the Belfast lane, to come to a very abrupt halt. But what was she doing? Not a child in sight-the school seemed to be closed- not surprisingly at such an early hour. She stood firmly in the middle of the road-thick legs akimbo. They shall not pass. No way. Not an Inch. No surrender. Both pavements were empty. Then a woman appeared strolling towards the town on the right hand pavement. The School Crossing Lady with a flick of her lollipop indicated that she must cross and cross now. The women meekly did-there really was no option or risk a blow around the ears from the rampant lollipop stick.

Slowly the SCL reached the left hand pavement turning her back on the traffic- I moved on but the guy in the right hand car opened his window and enquired (this is the gist) why on earth (he didn't say earth) she had stopped the traffic with no children around. She replied (another gist) that this was her job and she had the stick to prove it. Red Car Man suggested a suitable depository for the lollipop -physically challenging and possibly painful and drove on. So did I noticing in my rear mirror that the woman who had crossed the road under duress was now trying to get back again.

Given the volume of the pent up traffic she may still be there-unless of course the SCL , once again, did the decent thing.  ¶ 11:34 AM