Musings from the Merse
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Well, the 2 hour plus bus journey from Newcastle on Tyne to Berwick after GNER had removed rails from the NCL to EDI leg was almost worth it. Thick fog and as the train is timetabled to stop at the metropolises of Morpeth and Alnmouth so did the bus have to follow suit. We had two passengers for Morpeth, one for Alnmouth and a healthy 5 for Berwick.
The fog proved irrelevant. The Bus had the latest in satellite navigation with a programmed in frosty voiced lady with a slight Midlands accent who took her cue from the stars. She in her turn had a controller in Hampshire(?) A real person who pressed the appropriate buttons (or clicked the right mouse) when she was appraised of our destination. Newcastle to Mor Peth (as the slim controller insisted on calling it) was a breeze. Clear frosty instructions and only one 'Do a U-turn when safe to do so. You are on the wrong route. U-turn now' when the Newcastle driver took a short cut known to him but not to Ms.Sat-Nav. But after Morpeth the driver was clearly in unknown territory; a southern Geordie he. The bossy lady came into her own and after several false attempts at Ann Mouth, Anne Myth, Alan Moth, Aynick she came up with Alnmouth and we found it through the fog with only one false start when the driver, misinterpreting the disembodied instructions, attempted to take his bus up a private drive in mistake for a D road. Fortunately the gate was closed and he could reverse back onto the right carriageway whilst Ms Sat-Nav screeched with rage and navigational frustration. How he knew he had reached the station I do not know. It was small, silent, dark and wet. It was also not connected to any hamlet. Alnmouth had been moved or abandoned.A Marie Celeste of rural station stops but the one passenger descended unprotesting so it must have been all right.
Berwick was more difficult. THe driver could not spell it and the Slim Controller claimed that no such place existed on her programme. The problem was that our driver, possibly a bit dyslexic,insisted on spelling out ' B Bravo, R Romeo, E Echo' whilst the remaining passengers screamed (well Huttonian actually) 'No-Bravo Echo, Romeo' 'But that's what I am saying'insisted the driver. But he wasn't.
'Do you know North Berwick?' asked the driver in desperation, looking for a point of reference to share with the slim controller, down his secure connection to darkest, but fog free, Hampshire. Fortunately she didn't as we might have been sent there.
At last she got it right Bravo, Echo Romeo, Whisky etc, mouse clicked, satellites engaged and of we went as the space stations twirled helpfully above us and little old ladies in second gear peering nervously out of their unsatnaved Foci held us up on those 'undualled' stretches of the A1 (which is most of it north of Alnmouth) whilst the frosty voiced lady encouraging insisted on 'Continue up the A1 for 19 miles'etc.
We arrived safely.(Berwick Station closed but lit up magnificently)
5 minutes early. A bit early for our taxi which was helping drunks home, car less-all lit up magnificently, no doubt
Bus to London next time possibly. If we have a day or two to spare.
The fog proved irrelevant. The Bus had the latest in satellite navigation with a programmed in frosty voiced lady with a slight Midlands accent who took her cue from the stars. She in her turn had a controller in Hampshire(?) A real person who pressed the appropriate buttons (or clicked the right mouse) when she was appraised of our destination. Newcastle to Mor Peth (as the slim controller insisted on calling it) was a breeze. Clear frosty instructions and only one 'Do a U-turn when safe to do so. You are on the wrong route. U-turn now' when the Newcastle driver took a short cut known to him but not to Ms.Sat-Nav. But after Morpeth the driver was clearly in unknown territory; a southern Geordie he. The bossy lady came into her own and after several false attempts at Ann Mouth, Anne Myth, Alan Moth, Aynick she came up with Alnmouth and we found it through the fog with only one false start when the driver, misinterpreting the disembodied instructions, attempted to take his bus up a private drive in mistake for a D road. Fortunately the gate was closed and he could reverse back onto the right carriageway whilst Ms Sat-Nav screeched with rage and navigational frustration. How he knew he had reached the station I do not know. It was small, silent, dark and wet. It was also not connected to any hamlet. Alnmouth had been moved or abandoned.A Marie Celeste of rural station stops but the one passenger descended unprotesting so it must have been all right.
Berwick was more difficult. THe driver could not spell it and the Slim Controller claimed that no such place existed on her programme. The problem was that our driver, possibly a bit dyslexic,insisted on spelling out ' B Bravo, R Romeo, E Echo' whilst the remaining passengers screamed (well Huttonian actually) 'No-Bravo Echo, Romeo' 'But that's what I am saying'insisted the driver. But he wasn't.
'Do you know North Berwick?' asked the driver in desperation, looking for a point of reference to share with the slim controller, down his secure connection to darkest, but fog free, Hampshire. Fortunately she didn't as we might have been sent there.
At last she got it right Bravo, Echo Romeo, Whisky etc, mouse clicked, satellites engaged and of we went as the space stations twirled helpfully above us and little old ladies in second gear peering nervously out of their unsatnaved Foci held us up on those 'undualled' stretches of the A1 (which is most of it north of Alnmouth) whilst the frosty voiced lady encouraging insisted on 'Continue up the A1 for 19 miles'etc.
We arrived safely.(Berwick Station closed but lit up magnificently)
5 minutes early. A bit early for our taxi which was helping drunks home, car less-all lit up magnificently, no doubt
Bus to London next time possibly. If we have a day or two to spare.
Comments:
Alnmouth station isn't in Alnmouth as you've detected - it ought to be Hipsburn station but even fewer have heard of Hipsburn than have heard of Alnmouth.... and it's not in downtown Hipsburn either!
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