Despite the intense cold, being starved of golf since returning from Norn Iron I enjoyed (perhaps survived might be better) an early morning round at Duns (MPBUI) To early for the green keepers and indeed for the Cardiac Three who were noisely assembling in the car park as we set off in the bright winter sun. It shone but warmed not.
So with the intense cold and with too much breakfast tea aboard I needed a comfort stop in the thick vegetation to the left of the 15th green. In mid stream, as it were, and peering through the steam I found that I had uncovered small small white dimples. It was a ball, of course, and a good one too-Dunlop 65 no less-now well washed and shiny. I was fortunate to have relieved Mafeking where I did as the ball was completely buried-and was in the middle of a heavy shoeprint. It did not require the deductive powers of a Sherlock Holmes to uncover an unsavoury crime.
Picture the scene. A tense match. All square on the 15th tee. Serious money, 50p, resting on the outcome. Player A hooks his 8 iron to the left of the green-Amazonian stuff - a goner surely. Player B safely on the Green but some distance from the hole. B to show wiling goes into the woods to go through the motions of looking for his opponents ball. Gets in first (Player A perhaps having a bad tempered slash behind a tree) To B's horror there is the ball lying in open ground with a clear view of the green. So one great no 12 hoof, possibly cloven, is raised and brought down with lethal force and the ball is submerged in the soft ground. 'Sorry' he shouts 'Can't see it anywhere' ( now true enough) Player A searches frantically but hopelessly in thick grass but to no avail. B pokes bushes helpfully steering A away from the burial site. 5 Minutes elapse, ball declared lost by A through gritted teeth. Hole conceded.Match probably lost
I hope B slept that night with a clear conscience.
I am sure he did.
