Speed Bonny Boat We indulge ourselves on the Stena HSS by upgrading to to a Club class-free drinks, including good wine, free magazines and papers, fruit, biscuits, tea, coffee and at your seat meals-waiter service. But the real perk is the panaramic view from the lounge, but only worthwhile if you manage to get one of the 12 seats in the front row. The supplement includes priority loading and disembarking-ahead of all the lorries a real benefit in the race out of the dock through craptown Stranraer and along the long, narrow, winding road East where one slow Juggernaut can hold you up until the first climbing lane 30 miles away.

But it is the embarking which is traumatic. As soon as you are tightly parked by an HSS Dollybird, blue top, minimal bottom (satorially speaking) there is an ugly rush by the cognescenti, bumping and boring, up the narrow stairs from the boat deck in a mad rush to get one of the 12 front row seats. We managed it yesterday but a very large elderly loveable grand mother type just missed it out.'Oh Dear' she said loudly 'I had set my heart on one of those seats' addressing herself to the very agreeable looking, slightly out of breath, high powered executive who had roared out of his powder blue Range Rover fast enough to get pole position in the middle of the front row. He smiled at her and said 'Tough. Better luck next time' and returned to his Fascist Times.

She turned away sadly and made for a vacant seat a row back. Always the gentleman I very, very nearly offered my seat to her.

But not quite

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  ¶ 10:34 AM