Huttonian wondered if he had been an unexpected victim of the credit crunch following an encounter with a Norn Bank ATM yesterday. Having paid out a modest contribution towards coping with the cost of living in Newcastle, the machine refused to return my card. Pressing all available electronic buttons and striking the machine a couple of sharp blows as a restive queue built up behind me brought no positive results so I went into the bank in search of assistance.

A young lady within explained that as the missing card was not a Norn Bank one the rules required it be destroyed-as suspect-and I would have to sort it out with my bank. But if it was suspect why did it pay me out money? I wondered. She took the point and said that if I could produce ID the card would be returned-the card is my ID but I ain't got it, you have.

But they didn't. Machine card less-it must have come out and was now presumably in the possession of some dishonest passer by emptying the remaining contents of my account and buying Easy Jet tickets to exotic far a way places. I rushed out of thr bank (not too easy to rush with two security doors to negotiate) I looked again at the machine. It smiled back but no card between its teeth. A rather scruffy gent to one side asked 'Are you looking for this?' My card! I was. 'It just popped out. I was just wondering what to do with it' (Easy Jet? Amazon UK? A hedge against inflation?) I told him and he handed it over, trustingly,-no request for ID.

I thanked him and left him leaning against the ATM. Peering expectantly at the card slot.

I told the Norn bank teller the good news.

I doubt she believed me.

(The image is a Norn bank fiver-plastic and shiny, its like Monopoly money issued by a Third World Low Street bank)

Labels: ATMs, Norn Bank, Norn Iron

  ¶ 10:00 AM