Musings from the Merse
Monday, September 21, 2009
Fast and Lewes
Oxymorons of our time: John Lewes Customer Service -as per this helpful hint
"Due to the Data Protection Act I am unable to discuss any information relating to this order with you.
Please ask the person who placed the order to contact us and we will be more than happy to discuss this matter with them. This may be done by email, or by calling
08456 049 049
.
If I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to get in touch. Alternatively, you can contact my colleagues by telephone on the number below.
Yours sincerely,
"Mr Help" Himself
If Customer Disservice had bothered to read my e-mail before pressing the piss off button they would have learned that Yes, it was the wife who placed the order for a Toshiba Netbook, Yes, it was a Christmas present to me, Yes, I had been the sole user and yes it had crashed whilst I was using it and Yes I would like something done about it. After all it is mine.
So I re-sent the message in the wife's name and guess what got a reply-not exactly helpful but a reply, to the effect that although the note book was still under John Lewes guarantee, that mattered not a whit. It was Toshiba rubbish and under a Toshiba manufacturing Rubbish guarantee, so nothing to do with us mate. Contact Toshiba Rubbish Customer Service, here is a number that you can get through on if you have the patience of a saint. They will sort you out. Or not.
In other words Piss Off. But substantially and thoughtfully not merely instinctively
No wonder John Lewes is never knowingly undersold.
They never know
(Anyone would like to sample John Lewes Help! (or are you beyond it?) Service please feel free to call the number above)
Oxymorons of our time: John Lewes Customer Service -as per this helpful hint
"Due to the Data Protection Act I am unable to discuss any information relating to this order with you.
Please ask the person who placed the order to contact us and we will be more than happy to discuss this matter with them. This may be done by email, or by calling
08456 049 049.If I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to get in touch. Alternatively, you can contact my colleagues by telephone on the number below.
Yours sincerely,
"Mr Help" Himself
If Customer Disservice had bothered to read my e-mail before pressing the piss off button they would have learned that Yes, it was the wife who placed the order for a Toshiba Netbook, Yes, it was a Christmas present to me, Yes, I had been the sole user and yes it had crashed whilst I was using it and Yes I would like something done about it. After all it is mine.
So I re-sent the message in the wife's name and guess what got a reply-not exactly helpful but a reply, to the effect that although the note book was still under John Lewes guarantee, that mattered not a whit. It was Toshiba rubbish and under a Toshiba manufacturing Rubbish guarantee, so nothing to do with us mate. Contact Toshiba Rubbish Customer Service, here is a number that you can get through on if you have the patience of a saint. They will sort you out. Or not.
In other words Piss Off. But substantially and thoughtfully not merely instinctively
No wonder John Lewes is never knowingly undersold.
They never know
(Anyone would like to sample John Lewes Help! (or are you beyond it?) Service please feel free to call the number above)
Labels: John Lewes, Oxymorons, Toshiba Netbook
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A rare visit to Embra to the expensive dentist and a welcome chance to lunch in that haven for Ladies who Lunch-'The Place to Eat' in John Lewis. Huttonian has a soft spot for the P2E ever since he caused such a stir by eating the demonstration sandwich as recalled here (Scroll down to second post)(Note today's demonstration sandwiches are yesterdays best left over)The wife had just left me to join the other Ladies who Queue-Q2P that is-Gents never need to queue but women always will until like German Frau's and/or Frauleins they learn to do it standing up.
But I digress.
The man at the table next to me suddenly sneezed violently- not followed by an Oink so I assume not Swine Flu-upsetting his glass of water into his lap. A waitress, happening to be passing shouted 'I'll deal with that' preempting the attentions of an advancing waiter-stage left.
Grabbing a handful of paper napkins-mine included, she started to dab the young man's affected parts -rather lingeringly I thought considering it was his lap and I doubt if they had been introduced.
Yes she was attractive,
Yes He seemed to be enjoying it.
Sadly
My glass was empty.
(You can keep the demonstration sandwich-water boarding is much more fun)
But I digress.
The man at the table next to me suddenly sneezed violently- not followed by an Oink so I assume not Swine Flu-upsetting his glass of water into his lap. A waitress, happening to be passing shouted 'I'll deal with that' preempting the attentions of an advancing waiter-stage left.
Grabbing a handful of paper napkins-mine included, she started to dab the young man's affected parts -rather lingeringly I thought considering it was his lap and I doubt if they had been introduced.
Yes she was attractive,
Yes He seemed to be enjoying it.
Sadly
My glass was empty.
(You can keep the demonstration sandwich-water boarding is much more fun)
Labels: demonstration sandwiches, John Lewes, Place to eat
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Quod Erat Demonstrandum
The wife having returned from Lunnon has shot off to Embra, deserting Huttonian once again. As a lady who rarely lunches she is off to 'The Place to Eat' in John Lewes. This despite my warning about what once befell me there some years ago. I joined a long queue to the main counter keeping my eye on a delicious concoction which was the highlight of the 'snacks of the day' A wonderful combination of shrimps, smoked salmon, organic cheese, sun dried tomatoes and twiddly bits of 'hand picked' lettuce all on luscious looking wholemeal bread. Miraculously the item was still there when I reached the head of the queue, so I bought it plus a latte (since you ask) with some gusto.
It was not quite so nice to eat as it looked-bread was very wholemeal and the cheese highly organic and a bit of a struggle.I was suddenly aware of the approach of an official delegation: Sous Floor Manager (Catering and Toilets) a waitress and Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chef. ' Excuse me Sir' said SFM 'But you seem to have eaten the demonstration sandwich' Seem? I had. Apparently it was a few days old and 'should not have been sold'-being, er, for 'Demonstration Purposes Only' They were not empowered to offer a refund ( I had eaten the evidence to the last frazzled lettuce leaf) but a second helping of a newer variety was suggested 'at John Lewes' expense'. I declined and hurried to the Loo to await developments (the Prawns? How old were they?)
There were none. Worth describing.
But I have since found another ' Places to Eat'
I hope the wife exercises due diligence
The wife having returned from Lunnon has shot off to Embra, deserting Huttonian once again. As a lady who rarely lunches she is off to 'The Place to Eat' in John Lewes. This despite my warning about what once befell me there some years ago. I joined a long queue to the main counter keeping my eye on a delicious concoction which was the highlight of the 'snacks of the day' A wonderful combination of shrimps, smoked salmon, organic cheese, sun dried tomatoes and twiddly bits of 'hand picked' lettuce all on luscious looking wholemeal bread. Miraculously the item was still there when I reached the head of the queue, so I bought it plus a latte (since you ask) with some gusto.
It was not quite so nice to eat as it looked-bread was very wholemeal and the cheese highly organic and a bit of a struggle.I was suddenly aware of the approach of an official delegation: Sous Floor Manager (Catering and Toilets) a waitress and Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chef. ' Excuse me Sir' said SFM 'But you seem to have eaten the demonstration sandwich' Seem? I had. Apparently it was a few days old and 'should not have been sold'-being, er, for 'Demonstration Purposes Only' They were not empowered to offer a refund ( I had eaten the evidence to the last frazzled lettuce leaf) but a second helping of a newer variety was suggested 'at John Lewes' expense'. I declined and hurried to the Loo to await developments (the Prawns? How old were they?)
There were none. Worth describing.
But I have since found another ' Places to Eat'
I hope the wife exercises due diligence
Labels: Embra, John Lewes
