'Right' said the Wife-'IKEA today-we need at least three book cases for the small-house in-Duns plus a coffee table like thing to stick the new HD ready, flat screen, microwaved enabled, digital- plus TV.' 'But' said Huttonian, reasonably as is his wont, 'its Saturday, there's a recently extended sale. It will be Hell out there.' 'No' said the wife. There's a credit squeeze on, an incipient recession, its after Christmas,Richard Branson and Mr Brown are in China, the world and his wife are broke. The place will be empty. Doddle on stilts'

After we had found the last parking space in the overflow to the over flow car park, walked the 4 miles to the store, queued for the revolving doors, queued for lunch, fought for the last table, been made to carry our tray through hundred of other people carrying their trays (of dirty dishes,mind you-its an old Swedish tradition)gone round the one way system twice, found the storage systems where the book cases should be, and vice a versa, mastered the check out and self serve warehouse where Aisle 22 Hiding Place 18 had every variety of book case except ours, found it at last lurking in HP 19, and then managed with some help to get three gigantic flat packed bookcases, each slightly longer than the car, correctly stowed and escaped via the entrance having failed to find the exit, we were exhausted. And then last straw this had to return via Sir Morrisons to get the English edition of the Daily Mail for our neighbours-Borders Scotland had run out of them and you don't ask for a DM (English edition) in Dalkeith if you value your forehead and kneecaps.

If it is too wet for Orientering in the Lammernuirs IKEA would make a good substitute location. And if you use one of their maps, that adds an extra dimension to the challenge. Especially one of those with a big arrow which says 'You are here' but with no visible reference points which makes you realise the importance and indeed significance of that masterpiece of Swedish Philosophy, Professor Per Lindstrom's :

'De Meeinng ob Eer'

You can buy a copy at IKEA but only at the

checkout.

(The image is of shopper who has just loaded a small flat pack block of flats onto his car outside IKEA Embra,. Thankyou flickr. He must have had a bad time in the self serve ware house as the caption to the image is:

'Never Again!

Amen.

Labels: IKEA

  ¶ 4:26 PM