IN the Pink?

It was wet so went to IKEA as one does and found that tout Embra had done the same. End of summer hols and a city heaving with the alien Festihooligans had driven mostly young families into the safe smug Swedish ambiance-roll mop herrings, blokbrot, clear you own lunch tray and all. Having allocated our statutory £67.75 we were rushing to the checkout attempting to beat the most heavily laden trolley I have ever seen, including Sir Morrisons at 1539 on Sundays, when were impeded by a badly parked one mostly containing a 5 year old boy and his sweet companion, a tiny vision in pink. 18 months top. The wife brushed against the lad as she was trying to move the trolley a few inches out of the way-'You are no my mum' said he indignantly 'No. I am just trying to move you a wee bit. But I am glad to see you looking after your baby sister so nicely' ' I haven't a baby sister I have a......... ( Thought depleted) baby brother' At that point the mother returned and much as I would have liked to confirm the gender of the pink 'un the heavily laden trolley was now ahead of us and there was no time to satisfy idle curiosity if we were to get through checkout by closing time.

So was the wee pinkie a boy avoiding gender stereotype? A changling? A girl but not a sister? A girl and a sister, but the brother was in denial? Now I am back in Duns wondering how we managed to leave IKEA without anything that requires assembly. I am not sure I care very much.

(But, hold on, if the lad was right and he had a baby brother and he wasn't in pink, nor in the Trolley-where was he? Home alone? Asleep in the car? Forgotten some place Worrying that.)

Thankyou Ogden of Flickr for this aerial image of the Ikea store in Embra. As he suggests it has arrived flat packed-and awaits assembly!

Labels: Boys in Pink, IKEA

  ¶ 4:18 PM (2) comments

 
'Right' said the Wife-'IKEA today-we need at least three book cases for the small-house in-Duns plus a coffee table like thing to stick the new HD ready, flat screen, microwaved enabled, digital- plus TV.' 'But' said Huttonian, reasonably as is his wont, 'its Saturday, there's a recently extended sale. It will be Hell out there.' 'No' said the wife. There's a credit squeeze on, an incipient recession, its after Christmas,Richard Branson and Mr Brown are in China, the world and his wife are broke. The place will be empty. Doddle on stilts'

After we had found the last parking space in the overflow to the over flow car park, walked the 4 miles to the store, queued for the revolving doors, queued for lunch, fought for the last table, been made to carry our tray through hundred of other people carrying their trays (of dirty dishes,mind you-its an old Swedish tradition)gone round the one way system twice, found the storage systems where the book cases should be, and vice a versa, mastered the check out and self serve warehouse where Aisle 22 Hiding Place 18 had every variety of book case except ours, found it at last lurking in HP 19, and then managed with some help to get three gigantic flat packed bookcases, each slightly longer than the car, correctly stowed and escaped via the entrance having failed to find the exit, we were exhausted. And then last straw this had to return via Sir Morrisons to get the English edition of the Daily Mail for our neighbours-Borders Scotland had run out of them and you don't ask for a DM (English edition) in Dalkeith if you value your forehead and kneecaps.

If it is too wet for Orientering in the Lammernuirs IKEA would make a good substitute location. And if you use one of their maps, that adds an extra dimension to the challenge. Especially one of those with a big arrow which says 'You are here' but with no visible reference points which makes you realise the importance and indeed significance of that masterpiece of Swedish Philosophy, Professor Per Lindstrom's :

'De Meeinng ob Eer'

You can buy a copy at IKEA but only at the

checkout.

(The image is of shopper who has just loaded a small flat pack block of flats onto his car outside IKEA Embra,. Thankyou flickr. He must have had a bad time in the self serve ware house as the caption to the image is:

'Never Again!

Amen.

Labels: IKEA

  ¶ 4:26 PM (0) comments