Encounters of the Absurd Kind

Its usually a safe bet to reach the first tee by 8.10 am and be sure of having the great course to your self even if by that early hour there are two touring buses full of American Golfers-its Friday so its Newcastle-raring to go but not allowed off until 0830. Anyhow my intention was to play the number two course to get in a bit of undisturbed practice. I surveyed the known world from the First Tee: No ladies; check. No hackers in shorts;check. No tattooed shoppers waiting for Sir Morrisons to open; check (actually no Sir Morrisons in the whole of Norn Iron)No one at all except for a guy stage right apparently digging in the rough.treasure hunting? No threat to Huttonian.

As I was contemplating my second shot-wedge should do it the treasure seeker emerged from the rough and walked purposefully towards the green. He had golf clubs and his digging in the rough was probably some form of extreme practice. He stopped directly in my line to the green and started hitting chip shots onto the green. Back firmly to me. I coughed in a marked manner, I paced up and down, I took three practice swings; my cough worsened, I waved in a polite manner. No use. I then tried the traditional attention seeking tactics. I shouted 'Fore!' . No reaction. I tried slightly louder : 'fore' then 'FORE!!!' He turned round' saw me and returned to his practice. Well he had been warned-I floated a wedge shot over his head, landing it neatly about two feet from the pin. That would show him what a good player he was messing with. It did. He picked up his balls, picked up mine and walked off the green into the gorse bushes never to be seen again.

When I reached the green it was clear that my Dunlop had gone forever but nestling in the hole jammed next to the flag were three brand new balls-obviously the guy was a decent chipper and had left them behind in his hurry to nick my ball and hightail off.

So Treasure Seeker if you read this I would like my ball back and a cringing apology for your appalling golfing etiquette, never mind, barefaced daylight robbery. And you can have your nice new Titleists back.

If I haven't lost them by then,

So Hurry

(The image is from the 1st tee of the No 2 (Annesley Course MPBUI) looking back over the car park to the Mournes)

Labels: Bad golfers, Newcastle, Royal County Down

  ¶ 11:38 AM