Thank you Erase for this image of the Royal County Down(PBUI) And not an aerial shot in the usual sense but taken, on terra firma from high up on the Mournes. For a temporarily (one hopes) incapacitated Huttonian this is is a sight to salivate over all the way from Duns. If you can click on the largest size you can see four players striding up the tenth fairway chatting happily perhaps blissfully unaware of the huge drive over the sand dune that faces them at the 11th (just over right hand portion of the clubhouse-clubhouse I said, not the Slieve Donard Hotel in the foreground) Most of both courses is covered by this photograph and my feet itch as I look at it

How does Newcastle compare with Duns(MPBUI)Well the RCD regularly features in the top three courses in the world. Duns in the top ten in the Borders.

Does that answer your question?

And where does Duns score over Newcastle?

The absence of bloody caravans-see at top of picture.

Come friendly bombs etc

Labels: Duns Golf, Royal County Down

  ¶ 10:41 AM (2) comments

  A Six of the Best


Back Merse wards today. One image to take with me. Empty course, not a human in sight; 15th tee; huge drive-and as I was admiring its flight towards the distant green, enter, stage right, at great speed, a green keeper on his metal steed. For one dreadful moment I thought my ball was about to end a brilliant career in the agro-golf business as it seemed to be on a collision course with the tractor. It glanced the side of the vehicle and bounded on. The machine came to a stop and showed no signs of moving as I covered the 270 yards or so towards it. Driver knocked unconscious? Traumatised by near miss. Apoplectic with rage? I hastened to explain my failure to shout 'Fore!'-he had come from nowhere. He looked at me a bit sternly. 'Are you a member?' 'I am' 'In that case Great shot'

And drove into the sun rise.

A bit shaken and not a little stirred.

I scored a six.

Labels: Royal County Down

  ¶ 8:07 AM (2) comments

 
As Others See Us

Royal County Down (PBUI) is often the subject of much (critical) comment because of its alleged exclusivity and snobbery; One interesting article which catches some of the atmosphere of the place is here Although I have never been offered dandruff by the club manager. When I first joined the club at the age of 14 I had to change in the Ladies Club house next door-for fear of disturbing whom I have no idea-16 I was allowed to join the men. Women never darkened our doors except for Sunday lunch and when the Curtis Club was played there in the 1950s the US and British women golfers were made honorary men so as they could use the facilities in the men's clubhouse rather than the shack which passes (and still does) for the lady members, Visitors changed in a sort of Nissen hut and were not allowed in to the Clubhouse unless closely accompanied by a member and then only if wearing a jacket and tie. Many other Irish courses had notices which said that members of other golf clubs welcome except those from Newcastle, County Down.

All is now changed. A new purpose built wing for visitors; a spike bar where you can forger your tie and jacket; women guests welcome and anyone with £155 to spare is able to play.
But one thing has not changed; we reckon that Royal County Down is the No 1 course in Ireland: it is generally reckoned to be; Number one or at a pinch on a bad day, Two, in the British Isles: See for example here; Number One in the World?

Well actually it is apparently Number Two.

Bah!

Labels: Best Golf Courses, Newcastle County Down, Royal County Down

  ¶ 12:43 PM (0) comments

 
Yer Man from the Pru

is the problem said the greenkeeper manicuring the already perfect 5th green. Caution gone mad. Have you seen the notices on the third and fourth tees on the Annesley Course (MPBUI)?'

I had. 'Do not drive until all the adjacent fairways are clear' or at the 18th 'Make sure the First fairway and the 1st Green are totally free of other golfers' In other words: if anyone is in sight keep your hands in your pockets and your driver in the bag. And while you are at it make sure that no one is moving on the Mournes. In practical terms, if you were to obey this instruction to the letter you could never hit a golf ball of the 4th tee which has the third fairway of the Annesley Course to your right and the 17th of the Championship course PBUI) to the right for most of a summers day when both courses are busy.

All this springs from the incident of a caravan being struck or nearly struck by a wandering Titleist two years ago sliced from the 11th tee on the Annesley Course (MPBUI)resulting in much threatened litigation and a decision to move most of the hole out of range-no suggestion to move the bloody caravan whose idiot owner parked it near a golf course and then took the wheels off thus becoming a permanent structure. The whole sorry saga is related here

The saddest sign of all is the one on the former back tee at the Third. 'Men are not permitted to use this tee' The men's tee is now 100 yards further on and at a safe distance from the newish posh houses set back from the course to the left. Thus ruining the toughest hole on the course. And it is all a bit silly and indeed sexist, implying that frail women golfers (a) don't hook their drives and (b) if they do they haven't the strength to do any damage to 'Dunbanking' 'Mon Allowed Expense' or other desirable residences cowering to their left.

Judging from the massive club wielding Amazons which haunt the course on Ladies Competition days this a very dangerous assumption and I doubt would meet the approval of

Yer Wimmin from the Pru

(The image is of the 5th Green on the RCDGC Championship Course PBUI)

'Er No' as that irritating Insurance Watch Dog, Churchill might say

Labels: Caravans, Golf and Insurance, Man from the Pru, Royal County Down

  ¶ 9:20 AM (0) comments

  Dogged Does It


Huttonian was not going to post again about golf-of little interest to the Merse readership (Patience-back in the Borders all too soon)but he is still recovering from unprecedented experiences on the Championship course of the Royal County Down (PBUI)So I record for posterity that the worst golfers I have ever had the misfortune to encounter in 50 years of golfing were not amongst the usual suspects on the Annesley Course, aka Ladies Course, aka Hen Run where hacker is King (more usually Queen) but on the hallowed turf of the NO 1 links-specifically the second hole. This couple of elderly gents, indeed elderly by contemporary standards plus a decrepit dog seemingly pulling one of their golf trolleys took 30 minutes to traverse the 150 yards from the tee to the top of the ridge where the fairway starts-see image. Old Gent # one took 21 shots (not including air shots-complete misses); Gent Two: 19 and the dog was about to play his 14th when he was rather rudely told to pick up his ball and stop wasting time (I am interpreting the body language, the actual words were lost on the wind)The playing of shots (for want of s better description) were punctuated with tut tuts, effings and blindings and in the case of the dog, with two craps.
I calculated that at 30 minutes for 150 yards this party would take 11 hours to complete the 9 hole circuit back to the club house. A full day for the 18 allowing for comfort stops and a couple of takeaways. So I went on my way, ducking and dodging past them-there was no offer to let me through

I kept an eye open for the wanderers who were approaching the third green as I drove off the 9th so there must have been a sudden burst of speed somewhere.

To be safe I reported the party to the professional shop in case a search party had to be sent out. The guy who sold the green fees recognised my description. 'They were on the Championship Course? But I sold them tickets for the Hen Run-they said it was their first time on a golf course-must have gone to the wrong tee' 'Perhaps someone should go and rescue them' I suggested' its tough out there in the vast desert caverns of the 4th and 5th; no water no food;we surely don't want their skeletons showing up in a month or so!'

'I wouldn't worry said the Assistant Pro. Its not as bad as all that. They may be complete novices but I happen to know that

their dog has played before'

(Golf bloggees should go here

Labels: Bad golfers, Golf, Newcastle, Royal County Down

  ¶ 5:23 PM (0) comments

 
Landscape with Faffers Huttonian had forgotten that it was Monday when standing on the first tee this morning. Mournes misty; sun hot; wind none. 7.45 am. Not another golfer in sight. Bliss. On stilts.

But it was Monday and as I crested the rise to the first green I saw the second fairway was as crowded as a G20 demo in EC1. An army of apparent faffers were moving slowly down the fairway, poking the soil with sticks and filling holes with bits of turf and sand. Not faffers as in hackers from Belfast, but faffers as in retreaded green keepers retained solely for Monday morning duties; the divot fillers.
, the hacked sod replacers, the turf fairies of the Anneseley Course (MPBUI)Fit only for a half day's work, on the 19th hole of their lives, they painfully slowly progress green wards, stopping every few seconds to fill in the collateral damage left by hordes of week end trippers 'Golfers' an inaccurate description of that species of sub human, homo faffians, the £13 green fee Genghis Khant-hit-a-ball-to save-my-life polluter who does more damage in a round of 'golf' than global warming ever managed in a decade.

I was stuck behind their resolutely collectively turned backs; shouting 'fore' pointless given the lack of a one hearing aid amongst the 12 of them. Nothing for it but to risk a drive over their heads, a mad dash past and a quick 8 iron to the green. A wonderful birdie as it happens but not one of the twelve noticed this unusual feat. The youngest, about three score years and a couple of rounds more, glanced up as I passed-grimaced at me,squinted at the cloudless light blue hazy sky, grunted at my greeting and apology and pronounced

'Looks like rain' ('hopefully' he meant)

I asked about the pock marked fairways and commiserated with the task of repairing tbe ravages of Huns who would rather die than be caught replacing their divots

'Thems good for us' he said.' No damage to repair, no pay cheque'

I carefully replaced any divots I inflicted as I went on my way; and as I did so my main emotion was not of satisfaction of a crisp 5 iron, well struck. spinning back towards the pin but a slight feeling of

guilt.

In a recession leave your divots where they lie.

You know it makes good economic sense.

Mr Darling

Labels: Golf, Newcastle, Norn Iron, Royal County Down

  ¶ 10:27 AM (0) comments

 

CRAVEN COTTAGE The Royal County Down Golf Course (PBUI) has been on its present site since being laid out in 1889 by Tom Morris at a rip off cost of £4.

In the 1960s caravans started appearing in the dunes to the right of the 12th hole on the Anneseley Course (Aka No 2 Course, Ladies Course, Hen Run)Then someone built himself a permanent structure a good forty yards from the edge of the fairway (see image-click on it and you can see golfers tip toeing past)-how they got planning permission to put something which was not 'mobile' in this area I do not know but the caravans are now formally in a 'park' and a blot on the landscape they certainly are. And this is an area of Outstanding Natural Beauty! The other image is of the Mournes providing a back cloth to the course, beyond the 12th-as seen from the offending 'cottage'. The scenery looking the other way is less edifying

About a year ago some inaccurate golfer gigantically hooked his drive from the 12th tee and struck the cottage. Litigation broke out and the hole was temporally remodeled (into a short par 3) to prevent long shots from the tee so as to lessen the danger of collateral damage. Apparently an over enthusiastic player managed to strike the building with his second (or even fifteenth) shot thus provoking another rash of solicitors letters to the highheidyins of the RCCDGC (PBUI)Now the entire fairway is to to be moved to the left, virtually creating a new hole at the modest cost of not less than £250,000. It would have been better to buy the wretched target house and bull doze it into the sea. At an earlier hole-the third tee has a notice forbidding men to play off it as it is dangerously close to a row of expensive houses which have been there for the last thirty years. Men are moved forward and well to the right thus shortening and ruining an outstanding golfing hole Seeing some of the massive female golfers who infest this course in action I am not sure that the denizens of 'Dun Golfin' or 'Tired Bankin' to the left of the ladies tee are any safer than many parts of Baghdad, but there you go.

On the whole this is craven behaviour by the golfers. They are still bruised by the massive damages paid out to some chancer who managed to overturn his rented golf buggy as the hill he was driving up was 'too steep for safety' They paid up and

sold the buggies.

When I find a few very elderly golf balls I know where I am going for a bit of target practice.

See you in court

Labels: Caravanners, Damages, Norn Iron, Royal County Down

  ¶ 1:04 PM (0) comments

  NO NO THE BALL NOT THE VIEW
as Jack McGloughlin my first golf teacher used to tell me


Yes it's that time of the year again when Huttonian (and a slightly reluctant wife) upsticks (or clubs) and heads off to Norn Iron. And it heigh Ho to the Royal County Down (PBUI) we go.
Still rated the UK's number one course and second in the world> See here. And again here. So I fear images of golf and later a complete set of grandchildren will follow. Sorry Chain Bridge Bloggee. Its only for two and a half weeks and my agrnts in the Merse will keep me updated with developments here

Labels: Norn Iron, Royal County Down

  ¶ 9:53 AM (2) comments

 
FORE and again I say FORE

Thank you techie bloggee for this link

Golf damaging hearing is a new concept for me. Mind you I doubt if the ball comes off my club face creating a sonic boom at the best of times (more like a Stealth bomber) so I need not worry even if I do use new fangled metal clubs-I wonder if depleted uranium may be the answer and give me that penetrating flight, Tiger Wood like, capable of boring a hole in any passing (Israeli?) Tank or even the green keeper's obstructive golfmobile.I wonder what PG Wodehouse's Oldest Member would have made of this-one of his more sensitive golfing partners complained of being put off by the roaring of butterflies from an adjoining meadow

But poor hearing is dangerous especially when amongst the hackers at the Annesley Course at the Royal County Down (PBUI). On the very rare occasions that they bother to warn you of incoming fire by shouting Fore!

They mean it.

And so dangerous are some of these 'players'(for want of an otherwise deleted expletive) that the club has been obliged to lengthen one hole and move the fairway 50 yards to the left so as neighbouring caravans escape collateral damage. £200,000 bill it has been suggested. Cheaper to have moved the caravans one might have thought but in this age of litigation........

(The image is of a very competent player at the 7th on the Annesley Course. Were the drive to carry 2200 yards and drift slightly left the caravans might be in trouble)

Labels: Deafened by Golf, Royal County Down

  ¶ 1:04 PM (0) comments

 
CARAVANS

'11th Hole closed' said the notice in the Club House. 'Closed?' Must be the wet weather of two weeks ago. Huttonian had never known a hole on the Royal County Down (PBUI) to be closed for anything less than six feet of snow or a nuclear holocaust-both rare events in Norn Iron.Even during The Troubles.

THe hole concerned is actually on the Annesley Course (MPBUI) And when we arrived on the tee expecting a fierce notice saying 'No Play-walk on to the next hole' we found that the par 4 had been turned into a three with a temporary green on the fairway about 160 yards away. Which we duly played (rather well since you ask) That was three days ago. Today on the first tee we got into conversation with a garrulous gent who was anxious to tell us about the 11th' 'Its because of the caravans-'theys' ( a reference to the golfing highheidyins don't want youse* to hit a drive because of the caravans.' To cut a long garrul short, apparently a caravan got struck by a golf ball recently (perhaps injury inflicted)driven from the 11th tee- a mighty blow look you and a mighty slice to boot. The caravans infest a patch of heathery ground well to the right of the 11th fairway. They have certainly been there ever since I can remember and the golf course even longer. They are no nearer to the golf course than loads of houses running along the first three holes of the Annesley Course whose gardens, greenhouses, ponds etc get regularly peppered with balls from errant hackers-by the 11th most of this fraternity have returned home right out of balls.

So why this drastic action? Its rather like closing the Road Hole at St Andrews (RAOPBUI) just because a golf ball lands on the road, or better still, in the adjoining hotel. I suspect the lawyers and the insurance sharks are locked in battle and the highheidyins are keeping their highheids down until the smoke of battle has cleared. No point risking an injunction stopping golf on the links completely.

One solution would be to move the caravans out of range.

They have wheels, after all.

* standard norn iron plural

(The image is of the 12th fairway on the Championship course-not the 11th hole in question. Will have to do for the moment.)

Labels: Caravanners, highheidyins, Royal County Down

  ¶ 2:22 PM (0) comments

 
The Royal County Down (PBUI) used to have the reputation of being the snobbiest golf club in Ireland. Visitors not allowed inside the club house unless as a member's guest; jacket and tie compulsory in the club house (not to mention trousers) and the qualifications for membership were restrictive. Doctor OK -professional man-Dentist?-no thanks -works with his hands, sort of mechanic fellow don't you know? What. That all stopped when two dentists moved into town; one had a handicap of 1 the other scratch. They were quickly snapped up by the club in case they were tempted to be enrolled in the neighbouring 'town club' ' (Mostly 'Artisans'as they used to say) which share the links on a very restricted basis. Other clubs retaliated with notices: 'Visitors from other clubs Welcome except from Royal County Down' Huttonian used to claim membership of another club to avoid such snubs.

Much has changed. The visitors can use the splendid facilities in the newly expanded club house. There is a 'spike bar' in which you can sit tieless and in your golfing clothes (but not shorts and ankle socks, thank you very much) Membership is now closed so not even a scratch player, Brain Surgeon of royal descent can join without invitation which boils down to dead men's shoes. Men is the operative word -the women, excuse me, ladies have their own (modest) club house.

It is said that the IRA had a problem when they decided to target the RCD as a symbol of the British Establishment. Any old banger conveying a bomb would look very conspicuous in the car park with its up market models. So they had to splash out for a top of the range Jaguar which duly exploded causing considerable damage but as everyone was out on the course, no casualties.

But I suppose it is the thought that counts

Labels: IRA, Norn Iron, Royal County Down, Snobs

  ¶ 6:13 PM (0) comments

 


"I am sorry Sir" said the pleasant, assistant deputy Acting Head Greenkeeper, just after Huttonian had nailed a 250 yard whizzer down the 11th Fairway, 'You are a bit previous Back* Nine does not open until 0930' I looked at my watch. It was 0929. 'Minute to go then' 'No this is the eleventh. You are ten minutes ahead. Clock starts on the 10th tee. You will get entangled with our fairway modulating machinery and the greens will not be ready for you. Suggest you walk through the team ahead and start on the 12th.'

I crested the hill of this 'blind drive' hole. The 11th fairway stretched ahead of me. No Machines; no teams just my ball bang in the middle of the presumably unmodulated fairway. I decided to play on. Then discovered that there was no flag on the green. It was not ready for me? Not to worry. I did not get to where I ought to be today worrying about flags on greens, or the lack thereof. Five iron. Splat. Middle of green. No flag but a hole-5 feet from the ball. Nice three.

Enter stage right on his iron steed. A green keeper, second class just junior to an assistant, deputy, acting Head Green keeper. 'Sorry Sir. You are a bit previous. The twelfth fairway ahead of youis full of modulating equipment and the greens ahead are not ready for you' I looked at my watch 0942. The Tenth hole had presumably been modulated and green ready for 12 minutes. 'Should I wait? I asked. 'Could be a long time, I suggest you carry on on the No 2 Course. I did so glad that I had not paid £125 to play on the championship course (PBUI) and then turned off it to be fobbed off with the £23 Annesley-mind the ladies and watch out for the hackers-course.

AS I went off to the 6th tee on the 'henrun' I noticed Stalker and the Ball Finding Alsatian waiting patiently in the rough beside the 11th Fairway in anticipation the great harvest of balls hit over the blind summit and hooked into the gorse. Which they would be able to see but not the hapless striker. I really could not be bothered to tell them that until the fairway had been modulated and the green prepared they might have a long wait until any more golfers were allowed through.

Patience brings its own reward.

They say

(The image is of the view from the furthest forward of the tees at the 11th. Once the ball has cleared the hill you will not see it again until you have climber over the ridge.

Even then you might not see it again if Stalker has got there first)

* Back as in second 9-you are coming back, eventually.

Labels: Golf, Green Keepers, Norn Iron, Royal County Down

  ¶ 12:50 PM (2) comments

 
Encounters of the Absurd Kind

Its usually a safe bet to reach the first tee by 8.10 am and be sure of having the great course to your self even if by that early hour there are two touring buses full of American Golfers-its Friday so its Newcastle-raring to go but not allowed off until 0830. Anyhow my intention was to play the number two course to get in a bit of undisturbed practice. I surveyed the known world from the First Tee: No ladies; check. No hackers in shorts;check. No tattooed shoppers waiting for Sir Morrisons to open; check (actually no Sir Morrisons in the whole of Norn Iron)No one at all except for a guy stage right apparently digging in the rough.treasure hunting? No threat to Huttonian.

As I was contemplating my second shot-wedge should do it the treasure seeker emerged from the rough and walked purposefully towards the green. He had golf clubs and his digging in the rough was probably some form of extreme practice. He stopped directly in my line to the green and started hitting chip shots onto the green. Back firmly to me. I coughed in a marked manner, I paced up and down, I took three practice swings; my cough worsened, I waved in a polite manner. No use. I then tried the traditional attention seeking tactics. I shouted 'Fore!' . No reaction. I tried slightly louder : 'fore' then 'FORE!!!' He turned round' saw me and returned to his practice. Well he had been warned-I floated a wedge shot over his head, landing it neatly about two feet from the pin. That would show him what a good player he was messing with. It did. He picked up his balls, picked up mine and walked off the green into the gorse bushes never to be seen again.

When I reached the green it was clear that my Dunlop had gone forever but nestling in the hole jammed next to the flag were three brand new balls-obviously the guy was a decent chipper and had left them behind in his hurry to nick my ball and hightail off.

So Treasure Seeker if you read this I would like my ball back and a cringing apology for your appalling golfing etiquette, never mind, barefaced daylight robbery. And you can have your nice new Titleists back.

If I haven't lost them by then,

So Hurry

(The image is from the 1st tee of the No 2 (Annesley Course MPBUI) looking back over the car park to the Mournes)

Labels: Bad golfers, Newcastle, Royal County Down

  ¶ 11:38 AM (2) comments

  Hic, Haec, Hack




The BBC Blether Centre promised unrelenting rain for County Down especially. No prospect of golf so we did something which we have previously avoided-go to Newry. In my youth Newry was a town you hurried through on the way to escape austerity in Norn Iron heading for the Elysian fields of the Republic. Heads down and pray the IRA were on annual leave,. As Crap towns go it was surely Number One in the known world-away ahead of Stranraer, Slough. Greenlaw and even Kinshasa.The kind of place you really enjoy leaving after a wet day in its mean streets. Actually Newry is now rather smart. Massive up market shopping malls and so redeveloped that the old street names have gone, together with the mean streets-something which made Tom Tom less than useful for navigation. And it was a nice day, irritatingly enough.

So back to Newcastle as soon as possible and out on to the Royal County Down (PBUI) I didn't get really wet although the rain had been waiting for me from the 11th tee on-I started at the tenth and a fourball chain smoking dithering, chattering, hackers had abandoned the No 2 course for the glories of the real thing-and hovered in front of me like a great cloud of persistent midges. Fortunately all four lost their balls simultaneously at the 14th and I snuck past in the gathering dreich. I was glad to see, as I passed by, all four locked in argument with Stalker and his ball finding Alsatian who had typically retrieved at least two of the lost balls before they were, as it were, properly lost. The argument 'But Ali only finds lost balls' was seemingly not cutting much ice with these gentlemen whose definition of lost involved slicing a Titleist so far out to sea that it was last seen heading towards the Central African Republic. ' Yours I believe?' said Stanley handing a ball to the distraught Dr Livingstone-sort of thing.

It was in the end, worth getting damp for.

The image is of the 12th fairway-Stalker, Ali and the Fearful Foursome just out of sight,

Labels: Royal County Down, Stalker and the Ball Finding Alsatain

  ¶ 5:44 PM (2) comments

 
Some Like it Hot

80F in the car park at Duns Golf Club (MBUI) Unprecedented in my time and reminiscent of golfing in the Gulf. Hot work but at least it keeps the Cardiac Three of the course and huddled around the drinks fridge. Not heat stroke on top of cardiac arrest for these three wise men. But a new menace: Yuff. The juveniles, scores of them and they always seem to be just in front of Huttonian and his partner. Young, yes. Skillful, some are. Vibrant and fast? Fast? The Cardiac Three could out pace them any time. They chat, they text, they retake missed putts, they park their trolleys either on the green or the furthest side from the next tee. They have several practice swings and then change their minds about the club. They argue over their scores whilst we fume behind them. Junior members; who needs them? Grump, Grump, Grump.

Roll back the years. For Yuff read Huttonian and his three golfing friends. 54 holes on the No 2 Course of the Royal County Down (PBUI) was the norm. But one obstacle to our progress. Norn Iron's answer to the Cardiac Three: Quake, Shake and Quiver. One had lost an arm, the second had noticeable tremor'(St Vitus' Dance as it was then called)- a distinguished surgeon as it happened and the third used two clubs as a sort of walking frame. 7 hours for a round on the No 2 Course (we youngsters, juvenile members, were not allowed on the Championship Track)They picnicked in a bunker at the 9th, half way round and never, never asked us through,them even when they had lost a ball and were scouring the gorse bushes in a hopeless quest to save half a crown. To them Juveniles had no 'standing', safely to be ignored The technique was to creep up behind them, hit over their heads, run past them and play on. Naughty I know but at least unlike the local yuff we played fast and never held anyone up. And as for Q, S and S. Two died on the course and the third just after a round. And when he had finished the drink someone else had paid for. In Norn Iron there is no better way to go.

So perhaps my partners and I are Q, S and S revisited. A bit of tolerance to the aspiring Woods and Harringtons is in order. But I wish for Donald's sake they would get

a bloody move on.

(The image is of the bunker at the 15th Very similar to the one at the 9th where Q, S and S used to lunch. Same sort of shape and identical sand. So no need to use your imagination)

Labels: Duns Golf, Quake Shake and, Royal County Down, Yuff

  ¶ 5:18 PM (0) comments

  In Your Dreams

'Sorry its Ladies Day. You can't play until we are all finished.
I was puzzled. 'What time does your competition start?' (It was 8.45am)
'Nine o Clock', But that's not the point. Its Ladies Day. You are a man. You can't play until well into the afternoon'
'But if I tee off now I have a good 15 minutes start and playing by myself will not hold anyone up'

'What part of Ladies Day do you not understand?' She bent down and placed her ball on a smart red tee in the middle of the teeing off area. ' Now why don't you run along now and do something else until thne course is free'

Something snapped. I flicked my driver out of the bag, walked up to her ball and gave it a whack. Shades of Tiger Wood (although he is still alive) Long and straight, over the ridge, trickled onto the green, 240 yards away, and , yes, disapeared into the hole.

I turned back to the open mouthed, red faced, spluttering woman. Picked up her tee and handed it to her.

'Have a good round' I said

I woke up with a smile on my face.

Labels: Lady Golfers, Newcastle, Royal County Down

  ¶ 11:39 AM (0) comments

 
Allie Baba the stricken thief

So standing on the 18th tee at the Royal County Down (PBUI) with the sun glinting on the snow at the top of Slieve Donard (Snow just visible if you click on image), a light wind, the hacking women confined to their own course and no threat to proper golfers, and a series of good holes behind me-all was right in the world. One thing was certain, one thing was sure that my drive at this par 5 540 yard hole would be the best yet. This might be a tough finishing hole but Huttonian was up to it.

Sure enough-swack-straight up the middle, right at the saddle between Slieve Donard and Commedagh(but not quite that far) -but wait a minute-what is that is fast converging on the spot destined for my drive to finish? Oh No its Allie the ball nicking Alsatian, desperate to add my Titleist 4 to his collection. To lose my ball at this stage and it has done me three rounds-what a tragedy.

Then a mighty yelp and Allie took off like an, er, stricken Alsatian. The Titleist 4 had struck him just above the tail and he rushed off without a backward glance-for the safety of the far rough and the Yellow Gorse. My ball lay glowing proudly in the middle of the fairway.

After such a good drive it was a pity that my second shot disappeared into a Bunker.

But on balance.

A good morning

Labels: Alllie, Ball findingAlsatians, Royal County Down

  ¶ 12:35 PM (0) comments

  Off to the Province



And so after a long period of self denial it is off to Norn Iron for a few holes of golf and a chance to write the second edition of that rip roaring best seller : Jordan A Hashemite Legacy A paper back edition out by the autumn and so there will be no need to have to fork out £65 for the hardback . Mind you worth every penny, but still. I fear non-golfing bloggees will have a thin time but normal service from the Merse will be re-established on 1 May. No big tournament to frustrate the ordinary player as was the case with the Walker Cup last September and I am told that the Royal County Down (PBUI) is in tip top condition.

The image is of a previous visit to Newcastle-a fine lofted drive-click on image and you will be rewarded with the sight of the ball, soaring, dead straight, as seen against Cloud 9. Surely a magnificent birdie coming up.

Labels: Golf, Norn Iron, Royal County Down

  ¶ 12:02 PM (2) comments

 
Paradise Postponed

We should have been en route to Norn Iron today for two weeks r&r and golf. But sadly circumstances have conspired against us and we have had to postpone our trip until April. Mind you judging from the Blether Centre's forecast not much golf would have been on offer at the Royal County Down (PBUI) with snow,torrential rain, frost and storm force winds forecast for the first two weeks of February. So,instead, I had a consolation round at Duns (MPBUI). It was barely open with only nine holes playable and the first fairway should not have been-sea like conditions and the poor cardiac three would have been better in rubber dinghies with outboard motors rather than struggling through the marsh with their heavy power trolleys which were snagged up to their axles and barely mobile. The other group of more active golfers just behind us were a four ball when they started off and threatened us with bursts of frantic speed and dark glances' Out of our way Jimmies' We (a two ball) were contemplating letting them through when one of them lost a ball, thus taking the pressure off us.. He frantically searched for the statutory five minutes whilst his three partners stamped their feet impatiently and smoked. They then went on leaving him too it and we never saw him again. Perhaps it was the ball he got for Hogmanay and had no other.

After the round, I sheltered in the club house, soaking wet feet,muddy, frost bitten and wind swept. There on the coffee table was a glossy magazine. On the cover there was a picture of the 9th hole at Royal County Down (PBUI) The caption said 'Arguably the best course in the world. Eat your heart out'

I did.

It tasted bitter

(The image speaks for itself. It's not Duns)

Labels: Duns Golf, Royal County Down

  ¶ 1:20 PM (2) comments

 
What on earth has this article from the Berwickshire to do with Huttonian?

Manderston to host charity event


CLIC Sargent will benefit-and Christchurch Duns

Sarah Kennedy will be the special guest.

THE magnificent Manderston House, near Duns will be the venue for a charity evening in November which will benefit CLIC Sargent - the UK's leading Childrens' Cancer Charity - and Christ Church, Duns, Fabric Fund.
CLIC Sargent was formed in 2005 after a successful merger between CLIC (Cancer and Leukemia in Children) and Sargent Cancer Care for Children. The charity provides all round care and support every step of the way during treatment, in hospital and at home offering specialist nurses, doctors, social care and family support in the community; youth services, holidays and helpline etc. After treatment, helping survivors, supporting those so tragically bereaved and with research, etc.
Radio 2's dawn patrol leader, Sarah Kennedy - who last summer opened the Edwardian Fayre at Manderston House - will attend the reception which will be followed by an Auction of Promises and a Silent Auction.
This glittering occasion, which is made possible by the kindness of Lord and Lady Palmer, will be held on Saturday, November 24, commencing at 6pm.
Auctioneer, Hugh Veitch from Reston will be in charge of the auction of around 30 items which include holidays in Italy, Ireland and the Highlands of Scotland, lunch/ dinner at various hotels, fishing on The Yair, duck flighting at Greenlawdean, rough shooting on the Duns Castle Estate, cooking for a dinner party, a day at the races, golf, offers of gardening, house/pet sitting,etc. to name but a few. This will commence at 7pm.
There will also be a Silent Auction which contains about 25 items including various items of costume jewellry, a food hamper, a Nicole Farhi handbag, a guitar, etc.. etc. unfortunately no cuddly toy!
There is something for everyone - a range of items to suit all pockets.
Tickets, which will be limited, cost £12.50 each to include wine and canapés and can be obtained from Marlene Young, Manderston Stables, Duns



The alert reader will note a reference to 'holidays' and 'Ireland'. The Huttonian input is the use of the Norn Iron Newcastle cottage for a whole week in the coming year as one of the items in the Auction of Promises. Dates negotiable. The winners will have to hitch hike their own way across the Irish Sea. And as part of the deal is exclusive use of a really good set of golf clubs to play on the Royal County Down (PBUI). Are there limits to our generosity I hear you cry? Yes. Pay your own Green Fees and start saving now.

(The image is to whet appetites of potential bidders for this unrepeatable offer)

Labels: Auction of Promises, Duns, Norn Iron, Royal County Down

  ¶ 10:58 AM (0) comments