Manners Makyth Mower Man

But they don't at Duns Golf Club (MPBUI)where to ordeal by Cardiac Three, Torture by visiting four ball you can add terminal frustration by Green Keeper. Not I hasten to add, the Gnarled Old Green Keeper (GOGK) who knows a thing or two and has survived to a ripe old age by never turning his back on an advancing golf match. But the two very young, very callow assistants may not live to enjoy their pensions or the award of Gold Albert for n plus 7 years of undetected misdemeanours. Their technique is to stolidly ignore any golfer, drive up and down the middle of the fairway plugged into i-pods, slowly mowing the green you are approaching and stolidly ignoring any attempt to alert them to your presence. If you wish to finish the same day you started out on then you must play over them, round them or at them on the assumption that you are not a good enough golfer to hit such a comparatively smallish and moving target.

Manners and communication with members of the club is not Callow Youths' forte. The other day one of the two when cornered on the 16th Green actually took out his ear piece and turned off the engine and waited with intense impatience for us to putt out. To speed up things I had very carefully laid my light summer bag (with six clubs) beside my ball as I lined up the Putt. 'DON'T DO THAT' yelled CY 'YOU MUST NEVER PUT YOUR BAG ON THE GREEN. IT CAN DAMAGE IT (This line he spoke from a two ton tractor which had spent the last twenty minutes on said green)

I smothered and bit back 23 obvious retorts relating to manners and respect, 22 profanities of a similar ilk and a number of reflections on being born out of wedlock

Moved my bag to the safety of the pock marked fairway.

I lined up my putt again.

I missed.

So did my partner as CY revved up and replaced ear pieces

Next time I see him on the green I am not playing directly at him

And then I might, just might, teach him a thing or two about

Pains on the Posterior

(with a nice little Titleist indentation on the right buttock)

Labels: Callow Youths, Duns Golf, Green Keepers

  ¶ 3:58 PM