(Dog) CRAP TOWNS REVISITED

Huttonian is loathe to return to this distasteful(npi) topic but it is No 1 worry in the community (dis)satisfaction survey recently published by the Scottish Borders Council and every time I go to Spitall-Northumberland's most depressing seaside holiday destination-known to many as The Last Resort-I think of Dog Poo.

Ostensibly the City Fathers are doing some thing about it-hence the rather fierce warnings but to what effect? Has anyone been fined a thousand quid? I doubt it. Spitall is where dog owners go before they die and they are thick on the ground. And it is not just one man one dog; its lots of dogs per person. Yesterday I saw a guy with four dogs on four leads; between his fingers on one hand as well as two leads he was clutching a small transparent plastic bag. One smoldering turd, fast asleep, lay within it. Good man. But how did it get there? Put there before he left home to show willing, one suspects. There was no way he could hold onto all his curs and scoop up an offering to bag it-and sure enough as we followed his progress there was evidence of fresh droppings; reminiscent of marking the elephants progress in New York every 17 March but the St Patrick's Day Parade Marshalls had armies of clean up Crap Collectors, with scoops to follow the parade and do the needful.

Verb Sap: the only safe place to walk in Spitall without having to dance the Northumberland Two Step: Do Do, Do Do, Do is on the beach. close to the sea, at low tide.

On a Monday Morning.

2AM

Labels: Crap Towns, Dog Poo, Spitall

  ¶ 10:55 AM (0) comments

  Westward Look The First Tee is clear

The blog is westward bound today- a night in deepest Dumfrieshire, a transit through crap town tomorrow, High Speed Stena -ie 4 knots for thirty minutes from Stranraer, 4 knots for forty minutes in Belfast Lough and just under the hour at a speed swift enough to gently titivate the chilled Chardonnay in Stena Plus.

Norn Iron

Mountains of Mourne.

RCDGC (PBUI)

Bliss

Labels: BBc Norn Iron, Crap Towns, Stena

  ¶ 10:48 AM (0) comments

  Degrees of Doom

Stena Line has a customer service number on which you can access such useful information as whether your ferry plans to sail on time, whether it has been sold for scrap and most important the weather conditions in the Irish Sea. Being booked on the 1440 from Crap Town to Belfast I rang the number at 9am and got a message timed at 0400 that the Ferries were all on time (at 4am?) and that the sea conditions were 'calm'

Nearing Crap town I rang again. Message dated 0907. Ferries on time. 'You can expect a good crossing' Calm to good is downhill in Stena Speak; from one to two on the Rictus Scale. We entered the port-quite early to get out of CT. Sea conditions 'fair' Scale three. And when the captain greeted us on weighing anchor (27 tonnes since you ask) he promised us a reasonable crossing, The wife's heart sank and I hoped the ferry wouldn't.

It was dead flat. Calm on stilts and the freebie Chardonnay in Stena Plus was neither shaken

nor stirred.

And as we approached the Port of Belfast the weaather 'closed in' as in hissing down with added dreich thus rendering the capital of Norn Iron totally invisible.

Be thankful for small mercies

Labels: Crap Towns, Norn Iron, Stena, Stranraer

  ¶ 7:22 PM (0) comments

 
Thankyou Maximo. Your image captures Stranraer in all its gloom and dreich

Not Huttonian's favourite place. Top of my personal list of Crap Towns. Dreary streets, muddy beach, gloomy people and usually wet. The most rewarding view is from the stern of the departing ferry.

As we will enjoy shortly



The other image is of dogs killing time while waiting to board the HSS Stena Ferry to Belfast. Chatting away whilst the owners pretended to admire the other people's curs. Better than wandering aimlessly around Stranraer wondering if it is Wednesday

Labels: Crap Towns, Stranraer

  ¶ 10:02 AM (1) comments

  I don't know if Stranraer features as one of Britain's 'Crap Towns' It certainly does in the Hutton Think Tank's new production 'Thirty Minutes in Certain Places'

The entry for 'What to do if you have half an hour in Stranraer?' :

Go to Tescos

And if you can squeeze in another 15 minutes?

Go to WH Smiths.

It is inaccurate to describe this place as crap.


It much worse than that


(But hard to avoid if you want to go to Norn Iron by High Speed Ferry.

Which we did and are once again

"Where the Mountains of Mourne Sweep Down to the Sea")

Labels: Crap Towns, Stranraer

  ¶ 6:58 PM (2) comments