Tour de Farce?


Rhoda Hogg has been on patrol and reports as follows :

that there are outbreaks of cyclists of the even-sillier-than-the-lycra-and-a-tin-hat-that-looks-like-half-a-hard-boiled-egg variety along the B6461. They are hard to see in mist and failing light, being given to wearing a camouflage of dun colours, do not wear protective helmets and appear to be unaware of the concept of single file. You have been warned.

It is Dun not DUNS btw

Labels: B6461, Rhoda Hogg

  ¶ 6:40 PM (0) comments

 
(Very) Late Road Flash

Rhoda Hogg writes:



Users of the B6437 are advised to take great caution when driving along certain stretches because of an SBC plot to obscure the road markings with light grey gravel to such a depth as to make skidding very likely. The section due north of Whitsome village is one such, while the section south of the junction with the B6461 Berwick-Swinton road is lethal. Please drive along this stretch with your windows shut because speeding 4x4s are seriously kicking up the dust. There is also a section of gravel gouged away at the junction with the Norham road. Perhaps someone has been nicking it for their driveway? – SBC have certainly spread more than enough.

Users of the B6461 have the usual warnings when passing Paxton, which seems to be a magnet for every whacko motorist/bike rider in the county. Drivers are also warned that the current warn weather has led to a proliferation of repulsively lycra-clad cyclists, with or without pointy helmets. If you need to stop to be sick, please do so in a safe place. There are tourists stopping in strange places to take pictures of each other.

The final hazard is hedge cutting operations, most of which are taking place without appropriate warning signage. However, for the first time ever a few days ago, one warning sign was seen for the stretch near Fishwick. There’s a first time, etc…..

Inspector Jock Dangling-Stick of the Fishwick Special Branch comments:

" These of course were not tourists (almost unknown in the area)-but Special Branch Officers in undercover mode ' Operation Pussy Cats Claw" Other operatives disguised as lycra clad cyclists were withdrawn as being too conspicuous - No Respectable Borderer would be seen in daylight cycling wearing anything else than old cords, cloth cap and wellies. (NRB would not seen at night as they don't believe in using lights)Although no terrorists were apprehended two Hedge Cutting Consultants were taken into custody for failing to display warning signs in the vicinity of the notorious blackspot on the Fishwick bypass."

(The image is sent in by a recent visitor to Fishwick-note a number of Chinese tourist buses seem to have caught up in the gridlock)

Labels: B6437, B6461, Fishwick Special Branch, Rhoda Hogg

  ¶ 8:07 PM (0) comments

  TRAFFIC MERSE: FLASH

Our motoring correspondent, Rhoda Hogg, has just sent this by pigeon post:

urgent news flash :

If driving down the section of the B6347 south of the Whitsome Hill crossroad with the B6461, beware a yellow and green tractor. This vehicle judders from side to side like any other indifferently driven agricultural vehicle in the Merse. If behind it do not attempt to overtake. If driving toward it, pray or hope that suddenly mounting the embankment will not scupper your vehicle’s underpinnings. The tractor driver is clamped to his mobile phone and unaware of the road ahead. This has happened twice in the past week. Third time……….


NB Military Traffic Reports of relevance to the B6461 and the Fishwick Bypass will now be semaphored in by Major Rhode-Ahead TD and Bar.Retd

Labels: B6461, Borders Traffic, Rhoda Hogg, Whitsome

  ¶ 7:59 PM (0) comments

  Trafficking

Week end Bulletin from our motoring correspondent:

'Whew, this is Rhoda’s busy time of year:

"1.Today there are outbreaks of cyclists sporting strange headgear which resembles half a boiled egg and wearing unfortunate garments for their body shapes. They are all over the Merse and, tut, tut, even through the very toune o’ Dunse.

2.Those who go to Berwick for the weekly shop are requested to watch out for the new yellow sign by the North Rd/Morrison roundabout saying Edinburgh ………….or does it? If anyone could check and confirm, put a 5” fluorescent circle in your rear window and Rhoda will not tailgate you along the B 6461.

3. Those driving within 5 miles E or W of Paxton are asked to take especial care towards the village because the slow mob are having a rally centred in the village today.

End of report."

Here in Newcastle, Norn Iron-outside my own front door or nearby I had to wait ten minutes to cross the road. People coming from the south eager for the ice cream parlours, tacky gift shops, slot machines and fast food outlets of down town and an equal number heading south

escaping same

Labels: Newcastle County Down, Rhoda Hogg, Traffic Berwickshire

  ¶ 5:48 PM (0) comments