Musings from the Merse
Monday, February 09, 2009
Off Line on Line
Where Virgin Cross country just does not compete with National Express is its inability to provide a blog facility in the form of an Internet connection. Nat Ex is slow enough-my old dial up ISDN line in Hutton seemed faster but at least you can answer one e-mail, write another and the first para of a post between Ber Wick and Embra. The trouble is that the Virgin 1121 to Embra is quite close in time to the 1141 National Express and I had meant to take the latter but I had mistaken the time. A station announcement said something about the train now approaching platform Two so I dashed out of the Waiting Room-the train roared past whisking away the Sports Section of the Grudian which I had retrieved from the waste basket in the Loo. As it dwindled into the distance the Deputy Assistant Operational Train Co-coordinator (Porter in old money) said with some satisfaction 'That train does not stop here' and retreated back into his Office. Job done. I then got onto the next train which did stop and hence the no Internet connection.
I went up to Embra with some misgivings hopeful that the Terrorists in the Blether Centre had lost interest in southern Scotland and were concentrating their efforts on the WINTER STORM due to lay waste Middle England later today.
'Stay Tuned to our TV bulletins' they urged
'Especially during power disruptions'
Where Virgin Cross country just does not compete with National Express is its inability to provide a blog facility in the form of an Internet connection. Nat Ex is slow enough-my old dial up ISDN line in Hutton seemed faster but at least you can answer one e-mail, write another and the first para of a post between Ber Wick and Embra. The trouble is that the Virgin 1121 to Embra is quite close in time to the 1141 National Express and I had meant to take the latter but I had mistaken the time. A station announcement said something about the train now approaching platform Two so I dashed out of the Waiting Room-the train roared past whisking away the Sports Section of the Grudian which I had retrieved from the waste basket in the Loo. As it dwindled into the distance the Deputy Assistant Operational Train Co-coordinator (Porter in old money) said with some satisfaction 'That train does not stop here' and retreated back into his Office. Job done. I then got onto the next train which did stop and hence the no Internet connection.
I went up to Embra with some misgivings hopeful that the Terrorists in the Blether Centre had lost interest in southern Scotland and were concentrating their efforts on the WINTER STORM due to lay waste Middle England later today.
'Stay Tuned to our TV bulletins' they urged
'Especially during power disruptions'
Labels: BBC Blether Centre, National Express, Virgin Trains
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Virgin Virgin needs no Urgin'
Huttonian has mentioned before the uncanny ability of Virgin Trains Aka Cross Country to run their trains on time whilst holding the record for the slowest long distance journeys from Point A Scotland-to B South West England, and vice versa. Their secret formula is to deliberately lengthen the time allowed for each leg thus ensuring adherence to the time table sometimes involving 10 minutes or so stop over at each station until the advertised departure time is reached. Hence today after leaving Lancaster we arrived at Penrith 5 minutes early, Carlisle 12 minutes in advance of schedule, Lockerbie 5 minutes and Edinburgh a whacking great quarter of an hour At times there are casualties: having to wait posed to get off the train for 15 minutes whilst the designated platform is vacated or when an impatient driver, non smoker and in no need to snatch a soothing fag behind the waiting room exit or for urinary relief at whatever Hole-in-the-Marsh station he has arrived at before the time table said he should, gets fed up with the unproductive hanging around and gets going when he feels like it.
Thus to day heard in the Lancaster Waiting Room'
WWould those passengers awaiting the departure of the 1322 to Barrow on Furness kindly be advised that it left
5 minutes ago?
(I am assured by Mike Stuartwood of Flickr that the image is of a Virgin Train passing through Lancaster Station)
Labels: Crosscountry, Virgin Trains
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Wrong sort of Rail company on track. Again
I am glad to be excused lecturing at Embra today as the train companies have gone into a state of collective confusion, if not panic, over the terrible storms issued by the BBC Blether people. Not all companies to be fair, but locally, National Express rival even the cheese eating surrender monkeys: two of their Trains cancelled :'High Winds'. One from Glasgow and one from Edinburgh. Yet somehow the Inverness service, on the same track from Embra, exposed to the same force 22 winds is on time! And the Cross Country (Virgin) from Aberdeen, ditto, ditto, is 3 minutes early. From the website: Here is the evidence http://www.livedepartureboards.co.uk/ldb/sumarr.aspx?T=BWK
ORIGIN TIMETABLE EXPECTED OPERATOR TRAIN
Glasgow Central 11:41 Cancelled National Express East Coast
Aberdeen 11:49 11:46 CrossCountry
Inverness 11:52 On time National Express East Coast
London Kings Cross 12:08 12:10 National Express East Coast
Edinburgh 12:39 Cancelled National Express East Coast
Outside the window gentle Hutton Zephyrs warm the pre-Spring chill
I am glad to be excused lecturing at Embra today as the train companies have gone into a state of collective confusion, if not panic, over the terrible storms issued by the BBC Blether people. Not all companies to be fair, but locally, National Express rival even the cheese eating surrender monkeys: two of their Trains cancelled :'High Winds'. One from Glasgow and one from Edinburgh. Yet somehow the Inverness service, on the same track from Embra, exposed to the same force 22 winds is on time! And the Cross Country (Virgin) from Aberdeen, ditto, ditto, is 3 minutes early. From the website: Here is the evidence http://www.livedepartureboards.co.uk/ldb/sumarr.aspx?T=BWK
ORIGIN TIMETABLE EXPECTED OPERATOR TRAIN
Glasgow Central 11:41 Cancelled National Express East Coast
Aberdeen 11:49 11:46 CrossCountry
Inverness 11:52 On time National Express East Coast
London Kings Cross 12:08 12:10 National Express East Coast
Edinburgh 12:39 Cancelled National Express East Coast
Outside the window gentle Hutton Zephyrs warm the pre-Spring chill
Labels: BBC Blether Centre, National Express, Stormy weather, Virgin Trains
Friday, November 30, 2007
Virgin on the ridiculous
"If you look out of the window you will see that the next station is Penrith. Otherwise keep your eyes shut. If leaving the train at Penrith please do so with your eyes open otherwise you may fall down the gap"
Said the Vigin Train Guard on the Lancaster -Edinburgh 'cross country' 9.57 yesterday.
and approaching Carlisle'
Next station Carlisle: 'If you don't want to go to Scotland, get off. It's your last chance'
And finally as we pulled into Embra Waverley Street:
'That's it Folks. Out you get, smartish, otherwise you'll be lost with the Christmas Mail.'
Good knockabout comedy if a bit wearisome for some of those fellow passengers nursing hangovers after wild nights out in the City of Lancaster. But a great improvement on the badly read, nasally intoned, GNER mumbled announcements which are the hall mark of that crumbling institution:
'Berwick is your next station stop. Take care when alighting from the train that you have all your personal possessions, none of your fellow passewngers' and that your wife does not fall through the gap between the train and the platform in which case any inconvenience is regretted'
Or that wonderful call to inaction:
' Attention Train Crew Disabled Passenger alarm activated'
In this regard National Express can only be better.
Hopefully
"If you look out of the window you will see that the next station is Penrith. Otherwise keep your eyes shut. If leaving the train at Penrith please do so with your eyes open otherwise you may fall down the gap"
Said the Vigin Train Guard on the Lancaster -Edinburgh 'cross country' 9.57 yesterday.
and approaching Carlisle'
Next station Carlisle: 'If you don't want to go to Scotland, get off. It's your last chance'
And finally as we pulled into Embra Waverley Street:
'That's it Folks. Out you get, smartish, otherwise you'll be lost with the Christmas Mail.'
Good knockabout comedy if a bit wearisome for some of those fellow passengers nursing hangovers after wild nights out in the City of Lancaster. But a great improvement on the badly read, nasally intoned, GNER mumbled announcements which are the hall mark of that crumbling institution:
'Berwick is your next station stop. Take care when alighting from the train that you have all your personal possessions, none of your fellow passewngers' and that your wife does not fall through the gap between the train and the platform in which case any inconvenience is regretted'
Or that wonderful call to inaction:
' Attention Train Crew Disabled Passenger alarm activated'
In this regard National Express can only be better.
Hopefully
Labels: GNER, National Express, Virgin Trains
